I know I promised to keep “Finding Direction . . .” lighthearted and uplifting because that is how I try to live my life and how I want others to think of me, but I have momentarily caved. Right now I am in the place Josh Groban sings about in “You Raise Me Up:”
“When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary
When troubles come and my heart burdened be
Then I am still and wait here in the silence
Until you come and sit a while with me.”
That is one of my favorite songs and I like to think it is God who comes to sit a while with me when my soul is so down and weary. Here’s the story. I might as well lay it all out if you are going to stop by and sit a while with me, too.
I’ve been an insulin dependent diabetic for 35 years, now, and have been on an insulin pump for nearly five. In the last two years I’ve experienced continual problems, with no end in sight. Although they tell me I’m way too young to be experiencing all of these things, diabetes prematurely ages the body. It started in 2003 with a stroke, bouts of intermittent double vision and another stroke. Then last year, I had emergency open heart surgery with five bypasses, two more strokes, bouts of intermittent low grade fever, deep depression (which I’ve suffered off and on since I was 15) and was diagnosed with diastolic congestive heart failure, arteriosclerosis and “chronic disease” anemia. I have neuropathy (nerve damage) in all of my major organs including my eyes, my heart, my stomach, my bladder and my kidneys, which causes continuing problems requiring medication.
I was hoping a new year would bring a new lease on life, but before the end of January I had an emergency appendectomy (which they told me was a “young person’s” illness and that I was way too old!). My thinking is that I can’t win! As I told my son, Mark – “if it isn’t one thing, it’s your mother!”
Now I’ve got a very serious bacterial infection in my left foot that may require hospitalization. I just discovered it yesterday, but it has obviously been there several days, at least, in one of my toes because it looks, and is, really bad. I have lost a lot of feeling in my feet and lower legs so didn’t realize it was there.
This morning I had an MRI to see whether the infection has gotten into the bone or not. If so, I’m going to have to go in the hospital for yet a fourth time in a year. At best, I’m going to have to have foot surgery in the near future. I have an appointment with the foot surgeon Friday morning.
God has always seen me through and will, again, I have no doubt. I’m waiting for the moments to come when I can finish the song:
“You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up . . . to more than I can be”
Until then, pray that God will come to sit here in the stillness and silence with me for just the little while it will take to be stronger. My heart is burdened.
Dee God Bless YOU dear sister as you struggle with your health.
Thank you for ministering to me by being optomistic and faithful.
Father,
You are the ultimate healer and I ask that you touch Dee and wrap your mighty arms around her as she goes through this time of trial, pain and suffering. Heal her Father and give her strength.
We don’t the whys but we know the end and it is with you. Thank you for the journey for it is bearable only with you.
Amen
Dee,
I am praying for you tonight. I sense that you are a very resilient person and throughout your life you have trusted that God will raise you up. Believe that now!! I send you a blug (blog hug).
This is my comfort Psalm:
Psalms 46: 1-5 God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. 2 Therefore we will not fear, Even though the earth be removed, And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; 3 Though its waters roar and be troubled, Though the mountains shake with its swelling. Selah 4 There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God, The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High. 5 God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God shall help her, just at the break of dawn.
God is your refuge and mine!
Prayerfully yours,
David
Katy, Texas
Dee, you are loved. Know that people all over the US are praying for you and care about you. Let us know what else we can do for you. In the meantime, HE who lifts all of us up has never removed His hands from you.
Dee,
Still praying for you, my rediscovered friend! I echo the words of the other comments.
Love you, Serena
It is my privilege to “sit” with you alongside your suffering and just be perplexed with you.
Dee,
I hope and pray that God will give you healing, and soon.
My 16-year old daughter was diagnosed with Type I back in December of 1999. Of course, I’ll never forget it.
We didn’t know anything about it, so we didn’t recognize the symptoms. It was terrible.
Anyway, she’s been on the pump since the middle of 2000, and that’s done wonders for her control. We get pretty good A1Cs, so we feel good about that. Of course, I wonder but try not to worry about what it’s going to be like for her in the future.
I could go on and on, as you know. But I want to send this now. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Frank
Thanks to you ALL for the prayers and thoughts and “advice well spoken by friends,” to quote one of my own poems from long ago.
My spirits are greatly lifted by your encouragement.
Dee
Dee:
I’m glad you shared this with your blogging family. I will remember you in my prayers often. May God give you strength to continue to be such a positive influence in the blogging community!
In Christ,
-bill