Finding Direction: The Wind Vane Chronicles

Well, guys – I’m singing the rest of that song now (see yesterday’s post)! Praise be to God for His continual goodness in delivering me from this “body of death,” as Apostle Paul called it. The bad infection in my left foot has not spread into the bone, so I have escaped further hospitalization for the time being, anyway, and your prayers for me have been answered in the affirmative.

The bad news is that I will have to have surgery on that foot in a few weeks. But, it should be outpatient, which is good news and which I can handle. Although, the bad news is that it means I’ll have to be off my feet for a while longer healing. Which all reminds me of a story (surprise, surprise) about when I first met Tom and worked at the newspaper in Picayune, Mississippi (see Fly Through the Air With Greatest Unease from 3/21 and You’d Think I’d Have It Made from 3/14). This is how he was then:

The Good News Was, It Was Such A Deal

You’ve heard stories that keep you hanging with “The good news is . . .” and then, “But, the bad news is . . ..”

I always thought they were made up, but I know someone who’s life is one disaster after another. It’s so bad his motto is “If I didn’t have bad luck, I wouldn’t have any at all.”

He has a book scheduled for fall entitled “It Was Such a Good Deal” with the subtitle, “How I Spent My Summer Vacation.” It is a good news and bad news sort of book with the ending yet to be written (it’s still early summer, after all).

Because I know the author personally (I haven’t decided whether that’s good news or bad news), I was offered the chance to present a synopsis of the first few chapters in an exclusive preview.

It’s not really a travel book (he’s barely made it out of town, so far), but rather, one man’s odyssey through the perils on the pathway to patience in dealing with the axiom “If something can go wrong, it will.” It could, and it did.

Chapter I opened with good news. The hero found a bargain on a camper. It was such a good deal, he reasoned he could sell his old, smaller one, purchase the newer, bigger one and use the money he expected to receive from his income tax refund to pay for necessary incidental expenses involved.

The bad news was, things didn’t proceed too well from the start. He sold his trailer, but the title to the newer one was missing and the holder of said title (when found) turned up in Africa.

Complication No. 1 was remedied (good news) as incidental expenses began (bad news). The car to pull the heavy trailer had to be outfitted with heavy duty air shocks, a flex-fan on the radiator, special brakes and a heavy-duty trailer hitch (several hundred dollars worth of incidentals).

In testing out the trailer, he found a soft spot in the floor (bad news) and further tests revealed a hole in the copper pipe in the hot water line in the shower (even more bad news).

By the end of Chapter I, the hero was out several hundred dollars already and the trailer hadn’t left his lawn.

Chapter II began with bad news. He received a letter from the IRS informing him he had made a mistake in filing his return. You never get good news from the IRS, so he knew what was coming.

Instead of getting several hundred back, he owed them about the same amount. Depression set in. But, trip No. 1 was planned to offset the depression and to try out the camper on a short trial run (good news).

The week was spent fixing the broken water pipe and making last minute checks. D-Day arrived and the trip began. New Orleans, 50 miles away, was the destination. Not much can go wrong in 50 miles (good news). But, just about everything that could, did (bad news).

What he thought were grass fires burning and smoking in the swamps along the road turned out to be his car. It arrived at the campground on fire. Smoke was pouring from the trunk from the muffler beneath which heated beyond its limits due to the added weight of the trailer.

The good news was, no one got too sick from the smoke inhalation and his car didn’t explode. But, the bad news was, the carpet in the trunk was burned up, a heavy moving blanket had a basketball size burn in the center and the electrical wiring for the trailer lights shorted out.

After the calamitous beginning, the weekend proceeded fairly well (good news) and he limped home Sunday night with reinforcements behind to shine their lights on his darkened trailer (and to send for help in case of another fire).

Chapter III began with good news as Trip No. 2 was planned. Then, the starter went out on the car (bad news). While working on it, the mechanic found a hole in his transmission line (more bad news). The good news was, he put in a new starter and patched up the line. The camper then proceeded to a nearby campground without a fire (good news) or lights (bad news, still) to sit until the weekend.

All was going well, again (good news). Until the next day when relatives arrived in town to join the party and backed their boat and trailer into his side yard and into the water meter (bad news). The city informed him the break was on his side of the meter and he was responsible for repairs (more bad news). He didn’t look so responsible as he stalked out with a hacksaw to go after supplies, repairs and his brother-in-law.

The good news was, he fixed the break (and not his brother-in-law) and the weekend began. But, the boat didn’t (bad news). After several hours of skiing the steering mechanism went out. Another boat was fetched, which wouldn’t start, either (bad news). The rest of the weekend was spent working on boats and eating hot dogs and marshmallows over the fire while assimilating the afflictions which seemed to assail him.

Chapter IV and Trip No. 3 started out as good news. Things seemed to be in order and plans were being made. Until his wife got sick a couple of days before vacation was to begin (bad news). His car was in the shop, again (more bad news), having the air-conditioner checked and he was wondering what could go wrong next.

He found out.

The car needed a new compressor for the air-conditioner and his wife needed dental work. He needed some good news. The good news was, he had gotten his trailer re-wired and the lights worked.

The bad news was, as he started home with it, the transmission patch broke and fluid began pouring out as the car began smoking (under the hood, this time). He hurriedly unhooked the trailer at home, put fluid in his transmission and took off lickety-split for the shop. In his haste, he drove through a red light and a police car pulled him over.

Being a realist by now, he expected the worst and a ticket (bad news) and pulled out his license as the cop ran up to the car. The good news was, he didn’t get one. What he got, instead, was good news with the exhortation, “Hey, fella, your car’s on fire. You’d better get it somewhere quick!”

* * * * *

No one has seen him around the last few days. Either he’s finally made it out of town on his vacation or he’s fallen victim to more bad news.

He could be writing a best seller like Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance (it’s about a fellow who has a nervous breakdown and eventually recovers enough to write about it). It always makes people feel better to find someone who is worse off than they are.

Maybe I can be his agent and get some of the profits (good news). With his luck, though, it will probably be bad news. His books will burn up, along with his camper, while he’s out on the road promoting it.