Finding Direction: The Wind Vane Chronicles

Having totally "roasted" Starbucks last time, I must confess I've made a few furtive forays into that slendiferous establishment out in Abilene, Texas, some 750 miles away from home so as to try to completely avoid detection by anyone who could possibly know me.

However, it was total magnanimity on my part to keep in the good graces of my younger sister, Laura, who has been captured by its spell. We just went to engage in a little "sisterly"bonding.

By the way - I had a humongous, or whatever they call their biggest size, iced coffee with skim milk, thank you, and Equal, and it was very good. I have, thus far, resisted any temptations of that tenor closer to home, even with the advent of yet a second Starbucks in our fair city, though.

Back to popcorn.

Brief History:

Again, I go to "Fireworks Popcorn," the source of our more expeditious popcorn moments, for authority. I quote:

Many scientists believe that popcorn is the oldest of the five types of corn (sweet corn, field corn, Indian corn, pod cord, popcorn). Archeologists believe cultivation of popcorn dates back 5,000 years. Research indicates North and South American Indians were popping popcorn over 2,000 years ago! Columbus reported in 1492 seeing West Indies Natives wearing popcorn corsages. Native Americans first introduced popcorn to American colonists at the first Thanksgiving Feast when they brought deerskin gifts filled with popped popcorn. The first fully automated popcorn popper was publicly introduced in 1893 at the World's Fair in Chicago.

 Enough said on that!

Preparation: This is a crucial component in achieving the ultimate delight that popcorn has to offer and it took us several years of trial and error to finally arrive, but was well worth the wait. And, yes, we did eat most of the rejects along the way, wanting to be frugal as well as happy. Although, there were more than a few bowls full thrown away over time, I must admit, but that was mainly due to side issues, such as way too much salt or the slightest bit too much of a burn (although some singeing is always tasty). It's a fine line.

We came to the conclusion that you absolutely cannot find a decent edible pre-packaged microwave popcorn. (Sorry "JD" to be so rough here since you take comfort in your " ACT II 94% fat free kettle korn," Weight Watchers approved or not.)

Ranking close behind, these days, in popcorn's cellar is what used to be "good ol'"theater popcorn, which has gone the way of "good ol'" movies of a given genre to be displaced by machines off premises sending over stale bagged popcorn, popped who knows when, and teeny boppers who believe salt is the second main ingredient, not a condiment to be sprinkled lightly, emphasis on the "lightly." (Which will be discussed further below.)

Of course, the reason for the heavy salt is to get you to buy more of the horrid fountain mud that disguises itself as a potable soft drink. That, plus the price of all of the above, immediately elminate them from further consideration.

So, where does that leave us, she ponders rhetorically? Well, you can always go back to the original "version" of popped corn and pop the entire corn cob (with kernels still on it, of course) in a metal basket (with holes in the lid for escaping hot air) over an open fire.

That is actually an excellent method on occasion when a certain ambiance and nostalgia are required. But, certainly not practical at all. Especially here in hot, humid south Louisiana where the ambiance and nostalgia quickly evaporate upon reflection of what July's bill for AC and natural gas would be to run the AC simultaneously with the fireplace, all the while sweltering away just for a few mouthfuls of historical significance (we both have American Indian blood in our heritage, but figure that the ancestral memories aren't worth it).

Then, there is the heavy pan method, with lots of shaking and pondering (when the corn is popped just enough, without being overcooked or burned), over a hot stove, set on the highest temperature. That is still the primary method among diehards, but we moved past that method long ago in favor of a more reliable, easy method since we are now of more mature years in our popcorn odyssey.

Those alternatives do not exhaust the limit, however, and we stumbled upon the perfect popper and perfect method upon receiving the perfect popper gift one Christmas, the "formerly known as Orville Redenbacher, now known as Presto" Power Popper, which you use in the microwave oven. This invention has brought mankind and his popcorn forward in lightyears just when it seemed to be destined for destruction.

Well - let's put that more mildly and say on the verge of anarchy over less than perfect popcorn in every household, world wide. The above said invention is a thing to behold. So simple, yet so profound. Our first one lasted for quite a few years before darkening up with extended use without the luxury of repeated washings in the dishwasher (being advocates of the "old school").

You have to compare it to a well-seasoned, crusty, ancient cast iron skillet, which can never be replaced, should rarely be washed and is never to be thrown away, but handed down generation to generation (but, alas, that is another story, indeed).

We are now on our second one, which rarely sees the inside of a dishwasher so as to maintain it's integrity as a perfect popcorn maker. It is basically a plastic bowl, by the way, with a plastic lid into which you insert in the bottom "Presto Power Cups," (not to plug Presto here, but that can't be helped).

Each Power Cup (which has some sort of metal lining in it, by the way, similar to the bottom of the pre-packaged microwave variety), will last for three or four batches of delectible, delicious, alway perfect delight. The "Power Cups" come 10 to a package for $1.48 apiece (at Wal-Mart) and we try to always have at least 6 or 8 packages on hand, just for insurance and peace of mind. The only thing you must add, besides a heaping (mind you "heaping") 1/3 cup of your favorite corn, even El Cheap-O, is 3 tablespoons of (pay attention now) canola oil.

There is a caveat to that (which you will be happy to learn, JD). If you are dieting, you may add less oil or skip the oil entirely and the product is just as good (well, nearly). Do, by all means, use only canola oil, though. That is essential.

You will have to test your microwave for time, but we set ours at 4 minutes on high, watch the kernels fluff up slowly and turn the switch off just as the last of the kernels is popping, sometimes so high that they lift the lid. Voila! The makings of a masterpiece is born.

Presentation: By the time you've gotten this far, the main thing to remember is the "slight" salting of the popcorn once it is in the large bowl (or bowls, as the case may be, as with us), which is also a necessity. I mean, whoever heard of small, cereal sized bowls being used when it comes to popcorn. Heaven forbid!

If you can't make enough for everyone to have a nice sized, fairly large bowl, you are in trouble and no amount of coaching here will help. Just don't forget not to oversalt this precious commodity. That is a critical component, as well.

And, forget about the plethera of seasonings. I'm telling you, they're not only superflous, but downright heretical.

The only other thing to introduce near the popcorn at this juncture is a once or twice a year, maybe, treat of real butter, delicately drizzled over the corn to the point that it is all flavored, but not slathered, in butter. Which is really not good for you, it's understood, But, on certain occasions such as wedding anniversaries and birthdays it serves as a grand finale. (Of course, we are at a big disadvantage here as we married on my birthday several years ago, which eliminates one of the chances for such grand yearly occasions.)

In Conclusion: Now that you know everything there is to know about popcorn and way more than that - (except the complete history, which we all now know is long and storied, trailing back some 5,000 years) - you are ready to fully engage in the ultimate gourmet food. So, go pop some popcorn and enjoy!

And, P. S., If you have any criticisms of the above method of preparation and presentation or an arguably better ultimate gourmet food , please pass along your better ideas. We are always open to research on a deeper and more complex level (or simpler one, to be more exact) that will make our pursuit more meaningful and enjoyable.

At least, until we get the commercial popcorn popper Tom wants. Then, we may have to start all over again in hitting just the right note.

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