It’s been really busy this week and while I’ve been out and about, I’ve had plenty of time in the car to ponder various visscisitudes of life. As for these – Go Figure.
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to
make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull
on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Ever think about it? Life is sexually transmitted.
Some
people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still
can’t help but smile when you see ‘em tumble down the stairs.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
In the 60′s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who
was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I’ll squeeze
these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its fanny."
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why
do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t
point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did
you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he doesn’t like it,
but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address?
Any thoughts on your part about these or any additions? Come on now – think a minute and let’s hear it!
I enjoyed these. I am having a lazy Saturday and just finished reading the article about Steve Irwin – now I really feel lazy. what a remarkable man.
it hurts the mind to think that much! :0
you know why the dog hangs his head out the window , if a guy is driving I think it has something to with GAs :p
i thought you wonder the same thing when you gave me your e-mail address
take care!
Very cool!
My favorite is the slinky….it reminds me of what Tony Stewart said (bless his heart he didn’t make the chase…NASCAR talk)
He said "It’s all fun and games till somebody gets hurt…then it is down right hilarious!"
First of all, I love the look of the blog! You’re going really high tech on us blogspotters.
Secondly, I am happy you have my e-mail address. You make me smile often.
Thirdly, thank you for your kind words and encouragement today.
Fourthly, have a great week!
Shades of Steven Wright! The one about health nuts dying of nothing reminds me of a conversation with a 78 year old man in our church who looks about 50. He runs several miles a day, can do 100 sit ups and 100 pushups and who-knows-how-many pull ups a day. Is the epitome of health and always asking me if I’m exercising and eating right, etc. I told him once, "So, Fred, when you die, you’ll be healthier than I’ll be when I die." He’s left me alone since then. Lately he’s been battling a very aggressive cancer, so he’s been somewhat more sedate in his questions about my health regimine (sp?) … which, basically, is non-existent.
One of my favorite "Wright-isms" – If you melt dry ice and go swimming in it, will you get wet?