trouble down to size where you can talk to it.
Unknown
This quote was in one of my morning emails a few weeks back and I really identify with it, how about you? I’ve certainly in my life had plenty of times when that proved of worth to me.
Like – maybe in the ICU in Durango, Colorado while in the middle of our dream vacation, perhaps?! Duh! I certainly felt that way then! And, if you will remember from reading about that experience, Tom and I did both laugh a lot about it both while it was happening and all the way home. Although it wasn’t until they got me to feeling a bit better that I could laugh, nor did Tom want to until he knew for sure I was going to be all right.
I’ve been thinking back on that vacation with fondness the past several days, you know, which might seem surprising to you all. Here’s what I’ve been thinking.
I don’t know if you remember, but we planned and planned that trip for several months before we went. I posted all kinds of pictures of New Mexico here on my blog of beautiful adobe garden walls with brightly blue painted doors, adobe churches and sunlit walkways.
I dreamed of that vacation and couldn’t wait to go. But, and I don’t know if you remember this, I also said during that time that if it should come to pass that we couldn’t go, I still would be happy just in the planning and dreaming about it.
The reason I have been thinking so much about that vacation and some of the shattered dreams the past several days is because of our house. Tom and I have longed and wanted and hoped for a number of years – 11 years, to be exact, ever since the first time our house flooded in Slidell – to be able to move and/or to build a house.
We bought house plan magazines, earmarked pages, tore out pages with plans on them we liked. I tore through magazines finding pictures of rooms I liked, screened in back porches I liked, decorations I liked, furniture I liked.
When the time actually arrived, which we were not expecting and which came about through the tragic circumstances of all of those around us in Hurricane Katrina, we pulled out all of our dream plans and pictures and culled through them to settle pretty quickly, if you can call 11 years worth of work and study on something "quickly," on a final houseplan.
Events happened (with much work on our part in it all, of course) with amazing rapidity at first in our plans to sell our house in Slidell, to find a lot up here in Picayune and to move up here to a rental while building. We felt God’s providence in every move we made.
Then things slowed down due to post-Katrina delays and workers being unable to get too many jobs finished. Right now things have picked way up again and we are moving along quite well, although it’s been over a year now that we’ve been working on this project.
I write about this here this morning for this reason. In all of my joy and happiness about building this "home" for ourselves, I am afraid. I am deathly afraid that something unforeseen will happen to mar the dreams we’ve held so long and are so ardently pursuing to complete this task. I fear that just like with my dream vacation, this dream will end up terribly off base and will not become the reality we hope for.
I try to look at my life realistically and pragmatically, as well as spiritually, to understand that there is no such thing as perfection in this world, nor do dreams often come true, if ever.
In thinking about how close we are coming to the completion of our house, I am becoming more and more afraid that something – I know not what – will go wrong. Do you think that is an irrational fear on my part? Am I "weak in the faith" because I do not believe enough that God will give me good things in my life?
I certainly have been through my share of bad things and years full of trials and tribulations. Do I "deserve" or am I entitled to a season of rest and goodness? Will I be able to laugh if things go wrong like I did in my severe illness in September up in Colorado?
Do any of you understand my apprehensions? Can you identify with my fears?
I would like to think that I am where Job was at the end of his story when he had been restored to a brighter and better life than he’d ever known. But I don’t know that that is true. How can I know for sure?
This may not seem to be a post today that is typical of my posts of late, full of "gardening" and "wonder parrots," but it is very real and heavy on my heart. So, if you would – please pray for us about these things. Pray that God will stay with us and keep us safe in his care.
Pray that we WILL, indeed, be able to finish our house and move into it and be happy. It is such a beautiful place full of woods and birds singing (and snakes down by the creek, we hear!) and music and laughter. The good kind of laughter.
But then . . . may I always be able to laugh, even in times of trouble. Because my God is an awesome God who reigns in Heaven above and will bring me to an eternal home one of these days that will, indeed, be perfect.
Cheers & Blessings to you all today! Dee
Morning,
will be praying,
Dee, I sure can relate!! My husband often says I am a “glass half empty” kind of person, and I suppose it is from so many unfulfilled dreams… and watching others’ dreams come true. I do believe God is good and will give us the delights of our hearts. I will cling to that and pray that you can cling to it as well.
I think it safe to say all of us face anything within the perspective of our previous experience, so why wouldn’t you be concerned. That is where faith comes into the picture and you hold to faith rather than experience. Peter’s experience was when you step over the side of a boat, you sink. But in faith (at least for a while) he walked! So WALK in faith, Dee!
I like the quote you started with. Years ago I battled with my temper and had the potential of scaring my children when I was angry. Janice would quickly diffuse the situation with laughter, so I gave my family advanced permission to laugh at me when my anger or temper got the best of me. Which they did very well! Shortly after Heather (our daughter-in-love) first met us, she was visiting over the weekend and Chipper ran into the house, covered in mud, making a mess of everything. A tree had blown over in the backyard and she was very frightened. Josh opened to door to calm her down and in she came. I got mad at Josh for not blocking her way (as if I could have done any better … when Chipper decides to do something, the best thing to do is get out of her way!). I started fussing at Josh. Heather, not knowing me very well and new to the family, didn’t know how to respond. Josh, Janice and Jessica knew exactly how to respond: They started laughing at me! Heather was mortified! But within seconds, the anger was diffused and we all laughed at the stupidity of my anger.
I’ve confessed enough for one day. My prayer for you is that you will always focus on Christ regardless of the circumstances of your life.
there is a fine line between a Christian realist and a cynic. or maybe better said, some grey area.
I get close to line at times. having high expectations is a bigger risk and more difficult for some of us than others.
maybe, contentment is the key.
plan, get excited, anticipate, but be prepared to be content no matter what…
Dee, we can all pray for your joy and I think that will have great effect. We can also pray for a smooth and joyful home completion experience, and I think our Lord will hear us. The concept that good must be balanced with evil is a universal one: we all think that, sometimes, but dualism isn’t the way of God.
He wins through love, not by just edging evil in the cosmic account books. When we have a beautiful day, I hear people talk about how we will pay for it later. People see their children do well and hesitate to mention it for fear they will jinx it. When we are asked if we are going to heaven, we hesitate, not wanting to push our luck too far.
All of those doctrines come from someone or something other than our kind and merciful Lord. He will bless you and you are allowed to dance before Him.
Dee, you are one special lady. Your journey has been (and is) inspiring but I’m going to pray for a little more quiet and peace in your life. Which by the way is hard to come by when you’re dealing with sub-contractors. May God bless you and Tom with a smooth completion of your home.
Dee,
I completely understand. Tom and I are so happy right now and have been blessed with so many traveling opportunities (because of pilot son) since we retired three years ago. We have a house with no mortgage, enough money to live on and savings in the bank. Church is wonderful – we are learning a lot from Bobby. We are both in relatively good health – so why do I wait for the “other shoe to drop?”
My dear friend,
The place you stand is not new to any of us. All of us face times when we know that surely the kind of happiness we feel at this moment is only found in places like heaven and we are unsure just how to experience such, and so the fear and anxiety slips in, just enough to rob us of the total joy of the blessings so lavishly poured out on us. But, because of our faith, we know there is a God and we are not Him. And so, we make a decision to languish, even wallow in the blessing as long as we have it and face whatever God has in store for us with all the courage that comes from a heart dependent on Him.
I am praying for you my friend.
Peace and prayers
Neva
Dee: Yes. I can relate to your fears. I have many of the same kinds of fears myself.
I know this sounds weird, but a friend of mine, when I’d get like what you are describing, would say something like, “In a thousand years, who will care?” or “It’s all gonna burn.” I’d laugh when he’d say those things and then we could really talk about how I really felt about what was really happening.
I’m not suggesting that your fears are about something imaginary; but mine sometimes were. I tell my Mom to this day, “Not everything you worry about can happen.”
I don’t know: There are times when we can only place the future in God’s hands and trust Him to bring us there. Until then, we laugh.
I’m prayin’ for ya. We’re all in this together!