Being A Listening Friend With No Strings Attached
April 2nd, 2007 at 10:03 am by Dee O'Neil Andrews
"One of the best things I've found about blogging is meeting people like you who will be a listening friend with no strings attached."
Charlie Whitfield
I just pulled out my word/phrase for the day from my fruits of the Spirit post (here), if you remember, and it is "Be quiet; lead a quiet life." I Thess. 3:11. That sounds easy enough in theory, right? But what about in practice?
Oh, you think, that should be easy for you to do, Dee, because you're not actively practicing law , your kids are long grown, you're mostly at home alone with mostly Tom to talk with. What's not quiet about that life, you ask.
Plenty, sometimes. Oh yeah, I definitely live a life spent mostly in solitude. Some days more than others. And I like that. It's good for me right now in this time of my life. I don't feel well some days and it is enough to be able to come sit here at my computer for a while and then to rest.
Yesterday was a bad day and I don't even know why. It shouldn't have been, but was. I got up to go to church, even if a bit slowly, and got dressed, but then had to lie down on the sofa without even being able to drink my first cup of coffee. I napped a bit and then got up when Tom came in for a few minutes from working the Picayune Street Fair that took place this weekend. He had to be there all day yesterday in the heat and terrible humidity.
I made it to Sunday School about 30 minutes late and didn't say a word, which is highly unusual for me. I went in to sit down for worship services, but just couldn't stay. I felt too bad, so I came home.
I was alone all day and never did eat lunch. I lay down and slept instead until fairly late afternoon. Tom finally got home exhausted and took his third shower of the day to get cleaned up yet once again and we visited a while and then ate pizza while watching the Discovery Channel's new program "Planet Earth," which is magnificent.
I felt sleepy before it was over and that was before 8 p.m., y'all! So I went to bed at 8 last night and went right to sleep despite the afternoon nap. So much for the insomnia that has been plaguing me for months. I didn't get up until after 9 a.m. this morning, either! Good grief! What's not quiet about that life?!
Well - I've been feeling a lot better than that most days, but even on the bad ones like yesterday I can do things that make for a quiet life that includes, I hope, being a "listening friend with no strings attached" as the quote above states, and you can too, my dear friends.
How, you ask.
By being quiet in spirit, I think. Non-judgmental, not critical, caring and concerned and always ready to listen to others in their longings and sorrows and troubles and confusions about life and living and how to get through things they are trying to get through. And we all have those things in our lives - even me. I have a particular sorrow in my life right now about a one very young member of my family who has a brand new tiny baby and who is all alone to raise her and who needs so much and is so far away and I don't know how to do more or to do enough to be able to help her.
It brings me great sorrow and pain even in the joy of her new baby. I pray for her and the baby every time I think of her and have been writing to her and trying to advise her as best I can. I have been trying to solicit the help of others in reaching out to this young girl. I pray that God will richly bless her life and the baby's.
We all have these struggles in our lives. Each and every one of us no matter how young or old, no matter whether as a young mom with a house full of kids (been there!) or as a middle-aged person with teens and and kids off to college, then getting married, then having babies of their own. We all have parents who we love and are concerned about all of their lives and who we must in their later years care for and see about. We have parents and kids to juggle in our lives and church and work and . . . on and on it goes.
So to be quiet and to find a quiet friend who will listen to us with no strings attached is a blessed thing in our lives. Charlie Whitfield, who wrote the above quote, sent that to me here at Finding Direction in a comment about my blogging being a brutal discipline post and then sent me a long email telling me of some troubles in his own heart. I am greatly humbled by what he said both above and in his email. I was humbled and appreciative that he thinks of me in that way. I hope you all do.
I try very hard to be a listening friend with no strings attached. The no strings attached part may be the hardest thing to achieve even above the being a listening friend. Although you sure can't be a listening friend if you do all the talking, which a lot of people I find tend to do!
That's one reason it's hard to share with family members a lot of times, I think. There are strings attached.
Many, if not most, times there are also strings attached with other friends of ours, including friends at work and even at church. Many people have hidden agendas and it isn't easy to either find or to be able to just have a friend who listens and really understands you without some kind of demands in return. That's tough.
Tom is my friend that way and it is because he really loves me with the kind of agape love Paul talks about in I Corinthians 13, the chapter on love. I try to emulate that chapter, too, because it is a fruits of the spirit kind of thing. I don't think that I do it as well as Tom does, but I really work hard at it.
Being quiet is not one of the characteristics of love specifically set out by Paul in I Cor. 13, but I think it is exemplified in those qualities and traits which are listed. It's definitely listed as a quality we should strive to possess and it's one I just as definitely need to work on even with the rather quiet life I already lead.
So, if you haven't picked out a fruit of the Spirit word/phrase for the day yet, or haven't yet started doing the Spirit gardening I wrote about for your life, then join me in trying to lead a quiet life today and by being a listening friend with no strings attached, okay? And we'll talk about it in comments, so share a comment with me below about whether you're a quiet in the Spirit kind of person or not! Shyness doesn't count, either, girls! Although you have a good head start over those of us who may talk a bit more, that's for sure!
Hope y'all have a great Monday today. It's spring, the sun is shining here, wisteria and azaleas are blooming in masses around here and they are (supposed to be) out working on our house today, plus I'm feeling better than yesterday, which is a blessing in itself. So there is lots to be thankful for and I am!
Cheers & Blessings to each of you today! Dee
Glad you’re feeling better. You didn’t sound too good yesterday when we talked. (Do you even remember me calling?)
I do good at being quiet and listening….sometimes! It seems the place I fail the most is whith those who are closest to me. I tend to zone out sometimes when I should be listening. But I do try.
Thanks for the encouragement and reminder of just how important listening can be.
Glad you are better my friend, Today it was 87 degrees here. I sat outside with a nursing home resident who is on hospice and together we just sat and soaked up sunshine and listened to the birds. What a blessing the day was.
Peace and prayers
Neva
I can understand your melancholy about going to worship. I experienced that several years ago. Sometimes, I had to get up and leave. Sometimes, I would start crying on the way to church. It was horrible. Sometimes I felt like screaming so I would go to the junior auditorium and pray for the service. The Lord opened some doors for me, however, and I am now attending a church of Christ that is open to the working of the Holy Spirit. They are open to women participating in the leading the worship service. People can raise their hands and clap. My parents still go to the other church. Someday I will probably have to bring them to church so I will have to go back there, too. I am soaking up all I can to sustain me in the days ahead. But, there is hope. I visit the old place occasionally and it seems like there is a little light shining there now. Is there an Emmaus community in your area? Becoming involved in the Walk to Emmaus was also a lifesaver for me.
Dee, I am so sorry you felt so bad yesterday. I really don’t like it when I have to miss services or feel so bad I can’t focus. Since today is better, I pray the week will continue to get better. I too try to be a listener with no strings attached. Having had my own battles, especially with depression, I know how meaningfull it is to have an understanding friend. God Bless, Pat
Oh Dee… you *are* such a good listener! And after reading this and the comment you left at Mike Cope’s yesterday, I realize while I have been “poor me-ing” to you, you’ve been experiencing some similar things. A thousand apologies, sweet sister! Take a listen to those 7 songs I’m listening to right now (my Apr. 2 post) and see if that doesn’t refresh your soul just a little.
Love you!